IN THE CLEAR

Starting this blog with this:

Now

For the very first time

Don't you pay no mind?

Set me free again

You keep alive a moment at a time

But still inside a whisper to a riot

To sacrifice but knowing to survive

The first decline another state of mind

I'm on my knees, I'm praying for a sign

Forever, whenever

I never wanna die

I never wanna die

I never wanna die

I'm on my knees

I never wanna die

I'm dancing on my grave

I'm running through the fire

Forever, whatever

I never wanna die

I never wanna leave

I'll never say goodbye

Forever, whatever

Forever, whatever

These are lyrics to a ‘Foo Fighters’ song, ‘Walk’. This particular part of this song really makes me think about how much I want to live and how I learned to walk, talk and function again after all that has happened in the past two years.

I am far from a musical knowledgeable person or profess to know about music…… however, when something is repeated three times over and over again it symbolises an enforced message. Repetition is the basis for many poetic/lyrical forms. The use of repetition can heighten the emotional impact of a piece. As you can see above:

I never wanna die

I never wanna die

I never wanna die

I am a massive fan of this band and pretty much all their songs have a connection to my cancer journey in some way.

The reason for telling you this is because….my most recent scan was last Friday….I wasn’t feeling the best during this week.... I had about a week of headaches, I do have scanaxiety when scans come around so I was hoping it was this stress and the stress/pressure of finishing off the school year and organising the Year 6 Graduation with my close friend/colleague Bruce Oakley….. hoping this was all adding to my headaches.

Fun at work with Graduation Props:

Whilst waiting for my scan, I always listen to music to ease my mind and take my thoughts away from all that relates to cancer…..when I was called in for my scan, I forgot to pause or stop my phone playlist……when I finished and collected my phone the song that was on the screen was the Foo Fighters song ‘In The Clear’. 

Coincidence or not……my results came back clear, no evidence of disease…..NED……still in remission for the past three months.

My nerves and anxiety disappeared and my focus turned to finishing the school year.

The excitement of being in remission and not having any tumours present in my body…..makes me feel amazing, but at the same time I feel guilty that I am ‘In the Clear’ of tumours and Melanoma…..when mates of mine are still fighting off the beast of Cancer……It is hard to share my news with them as I feel bad that they are still fighting and I’m feeling so good. Is this wrong to feel like this????

Much has happened since my last blog post…….Lisa and the girls have been busy with dance rehearsals and concerts. The photos below will show how beautiful the girls looked and I can say as a very 'unbiased' father the girls looked amazing on the stage…….moments to lock away in my memory bank and be thankful to see and enjoy.

Family affair, cousin who did dancing with the girls

The girls at the Dance Concerts

My only sister and younger brother (Olivia and Reardon) both had their birthdays. Time to gather as a family and enjoy each other’s company. I am thankful to have them in my life, great support and very caring.

My younger Brother and Sister 

About two weekends ago I competed in a team Half Ironman (IM) race…..My good friend Matthew Collins had entered as an individual for the half IM, however after much procrastinating he decided to change his entry to a team entry….John Sidebottom did the 1.9km swim, I competed in the 90km bike leg and Matty brought the team home on the 21km run.

Matty (such a great support and good mate) and I watching the swim leg

Transition

Heading out on the ride.

Matty on a very hot run leg

It was the best feeling to be amongst the Triathlon scene again….even if it was only a 90km bike leg…..my ride was solid and at the same time very much an achievement for me.

John swam very well and placed us well for my bike leg which was slightly hilly, but at the same time a fast course. I averaged 34km/h and completed it in 2hours39min. Goal achieved… aiming to stay under 2hours50min and above 32km/h average. Matty had the worst time of the day to run…..he ran well however, the heat did mess with his body.

This race was a part of my training for the ‘Tour De Cure’ (TDC), April 2015……. Please feel free to donate to this link for the TDC: TDC DONATION PAGE.

Also I want to take time here to mention the fundraising event happening on Feb 21st for my TDC ride. Thanks so much to the Green family for passionately organising this event, especially Sandra who has her own personal battle to fight, but finds the energy to organise this event.

I was riding and training was on very hard…..until….BANG! Yes I stacked one ride home last week. Hitting tram tracks and landing heavily off the bike! Right arm and leg, badly grazed…..my bike was also damaged, snapped rear gearing…..this has put me off the bike for at least a week so far. I was going so well training too, clocking an average of around 260km a week….this is not the end of the world….I’ll bounce back and ‘hit’ the road again soon…..not literally!

After the crash

Slowing healing

Damaged bike

It is important that things don’t hold us back and we tackle all that comes our way.

Kalita our middle child has attended her Prep Orientation days for 2015…….. and Zahlia had her 3YO Kinder Orientation mornings also……they are both ready for the next phase in their growth…..as for Lisa and I, we are probably not ready for all our girls to grow up so quickly….but I am very much looking forward to seeing them off to school and kinder…..to be here and well for these moments in their lives are priceless and something I cannot and will not miss….just to be here for these days and moments are steps to moving forward and enjoying life.

Christmas and New Year are times for all of us to recharge, forgive, connect and change what needs changing in our lives. I love Christmas and yes the big kid in me comes out...... I have gone all out with Christmas lights on the house and garden this year. I LOVE it…….we even had a very kind note placed in our letterbox saying ‘Thanks for brightening up our Christmas with your lights’. Very kind and unexpected note from a neighbour!

Lisa is well and I think she is looking forward to having me home for the summer holidays after a very busy year. I am very much looking forward to spending time with the family, training and keeping healthy.

Life is great and I am feeling amazing and very grateful for all that has happened to us in the past two years.....I know this sounds weird to be grateful.....but I am...Cancer has changed my outlook on life and all that is around me.....it has re-calibrated what is important.

Enjoy your Christmas and New Year everyone….take time to spread the cheer and love.

REMEMBER TO HUG YOUR LOVED ONE'S.